How often do you hear the adage, “I couldn’t find what I was looking for, so I decided to make it myself”? Certainly a cliche statement, but it couldn’t be closer to the truth. My unexpected journey into being one of the leading female producers of ethical porn and founder of the erotic platform Frolicme.com started from that realisation. Women like myself were not catered for in the world of adult films, where sex was exciting and pleasurable. A place where women could safely explore normalised sex and help women to feel more engaged with their own pleasure.
I had been a creative, marketing brands for other companies for many years with a strong entrepreneurial background, having also run my own businesses but never in the world of sex. But I found myself in my early 40s and ready to embark on what was possibly my biggest challenge. Not only was I interested in rediscovering the pleasure of sex and finding erotica that suited my taste, but I realised I was not alone, that there were many who wanted to enjoy feminist erotic porn that offered an unabashed enjoyment of sex with lustful desire and hot passionate chemistry. There was a need for a creative vision of what great sex could be, both thrilling and exciting for a woman as well as a man.
Here was one of the largest industries worth billions of dollars globally but only catering towards a male market for visual stimulus.
I found it fascinating that the adult industry was so ahead of its time in its technology of offering streaming and paid-on-demand videos. Yet, creatively, sex was portrayed to exploit women and remove all sense of the erotic with its over-commercialisation to drive traffic and ensure a strong presence on the Internet. Furthermore, there was no understanding that good sex is significant to our health, and female pleasure was not portrayed or explored. If we are concerned about what people find online, I felt it was time to offer an alternative that focused on the joys of better sex, the need for consent, and the understanding of female pleasure. I wanted to ensure we understood the joys of healthy sexuality and break the shame surrounding sex for the good of all.
Most people, when they talk about porn, they visualise the internet's creation of what porn should look like. Rarely is it thought of as erotic, beautiful with sexually balanced pleasure between those involved but extreme, vulgar and often violent.
We can't change that porn is part of our digital culture, but since it exploded onto the internet, I saw its nature become far more extreme in the fight for commercialisation and the large competing corporations battling for a stake in valuable traffic and revenue.
It wasn't long before the onset of tube sites, the most notable Pornhub, offering mass-published free porn where users can upload any content similar to the YouTube model with limited restrictions. So very quickly their web dominance was born with eye-watering volumes of daily traffic. It's impossible to search online for sexual terms without being presented with pages of tube sites.
The problem was that these tube sites fuelled a world of free, gratuitous, explicit and extreme sex that was easily accessible to all. They foster many extreme videos, understandably raising issues over consent, abuse, and trafficking, finding their way onto a platform that then normalises the objectification towards women that has formed many people's opinions of porn today.
However, I could find sensual and arousing photography on the Internet. Platforms like Tumblr were a great source of sexual imagery where all genders explored their sexuality. However, this imagery never translated into online adult films and videos. The more I looked, the more I couldn’t believe how the Internet had been hijacked by a commercialised male vision that had become overtly gratuitous and degrading to women while losing all sense of the joys of sex. It was much more of a turn-off than a turn-on.
When it came to how we portrayed sex, I preferred the sexy Agent Provocateur cinema adverts to that of most mainstream porn, which did little for me. Brands in other sectors were understanding more about sexuality and female empowerment than the adult industry, which was stuck in a singular vision. Online films were seemingly only produced for the male gaze, removing consenting female pleasure.
Why I ask? Who said women were not interested in sex? In my mind, women are just as sexual with highly furtive imaginations, but I strongly felt the problem was that we were not being considered when it came to sex, and therefore, this only fuelled the ever-present stigma and shame around female sexuality.
Rather than accept what I saw, I felt strongly that there should be an alternative offering, a trustworthy female-founded site that provided tasteful erotic films for a mainstream audience of women and couples to enjoy. Sex I felt, was so important, and we were either ridiculing or demonising it, and I wanted to offer an alternative to disrupt what was becoming the norm. A focus on good sex-positive, ethically produced porn where there was no glamorising violence towards women. I wanted to show women in charge of their sexual agency, and I found it so empowering to see how different and positive this style of porn can be. My films and Frolicme.com are a testament to that.
Just as I was exploring how to bring this new style of feminist erotica to a much-excluded audience, the 50 Shades of Grey phenomenon was exploding globally. The trilogy was taking the world by storm, the nature of the book was being discussed everywhere, with women openly acknowledging a desire for erotic sex, as openly explored amid its steamy pages. This lustful response was just what I needed to cement my belief that women were interested in exploring sex and were hungry for it. I felt the time was right; women were becoming much more open about their desire for sex on their terms.
In 2013, I set about producing my first set of twenty films, funded together with my husband, with no other financial support. I began to shape the site's style as you see it today. After all, who was going to fund my start-up? I had to prove I had the ability to produce and shape a new vision of sex before I could be taken seriously. I had done a lot of research and decided to reach out in the industry. I needed some initial contacts of models to work with and a small camera team I could direct for my first few shoots. Although I very quickly found my feet and was independent of all support, models now hearing what I was doing, were getting in touch and wanting to work with me.
I wasn't sure what to expect, having not been in the industry, but I saw no reason my shoot would be any different to professionally filming a commercial, wardrobe, cameras, lighting, and make-up except, yes, there was going to be some incredibly hot sex. It was so important for me to be involved in all aspects of my business.
I like to know my models personally and to know who they like to work with and the style of sex they enjoy, ensuring genuine pleasure is had and allowing us to capture the excitement of natural raw chemistry. My style of feminist porn endeavours to show real sex, real pleasure and real orgasms. While the models are there to perform to allow us to capture the natural pleasure and excitement, it's less of a sex performance and more really just letting go and getting into it in a natural and sexy way, just with cameras around. Many models featured are real-life partners, couples or just good friends who like working together. Thereafter, we all socialise over lunch and dinner when we get to chat through the scenes after a busy day of filming.
I needed to stand by my ethos of producing ethical erotica with the well-being and consent of all involved. Everyone is considered and feels valued for their work, both in front of and behind the camera. It was something I firmly believed in, even before the phrase of ethical porn existed when I first started producing my erotic films, I knew they could be both ethically made and consumed. The style of sex should be far closer to the style and realistic depictions of sex we share with those we care about and love.
By 2015, I was ready to launch Frolicme.com just as the first Fifty Shades of Grey film was hitting the cinemas. It was catching plenty of female attention, but my films had all the real sex and real hot-blooded chemistry.
Erotic stories were also a key aspect as I wanted to bring more erotic coating to my films, with authors penning sex stories to collaborate with the imagery I had produced and be another medium for people to enjoy. Since then, the site has also expanded to offering audio porn, another exciting, immersive media to consume our arousing erotica on the go. Members can enjoy discreetly listening to erotic stories spoken to them while on the go, letting them loose themselves for a few minutes into a joyful fantasy world or listening while quietly enjoying some solo pleasure, helping stir their libidos and get in the mood.
I still had a big challenge to overcome. Was it possible that an independent female-founded subscription-based business could challenge the narrative of the free traffic-driven tube sites dominating the Internet and become a notable alternative that individuals would pay for? It was something I couldn’t be sure of until I launched the site. What I can say with confidence is that I am delighted it was. I am one of the few truly independent erotic sites helping to give women permission to explore and seek the pleasure they want.
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